So I took this off a friend's MySpace bulletin. I thought the few of you that read my posts might get a kick out of these. Plus it means I don't have to think of anything to write.
A few things to think about that you probably have never thought about:
1. Can you cry under water?
2. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
3. Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? (Yeah, I'd like to know what you guys are doing with my other penny!) Where's that extra penny going to?
4. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
5. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
6. What disease did cured ham actually have?
7. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
8. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
9. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
10. Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
11. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
12. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
13. Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
14. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
15. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
16. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
17. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
18. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
19. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
20. If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
21. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
22. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
23. Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
24. Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
25. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?
26. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
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6 comments:
in answer to #16, no you cannot. woodys dad got a ticket for it. the dead are considered cargo under the laws concerning car pool lanes.
but, if there was a car pool lane underground, would it be called a car pool tunnel??
things that make you go hmmm....
Sara, I love that you guys know that... that only leaves us 25! :)
I have a problem-- my teacher taught but my preacher never praught!
Jay, your issue needs to be taken up with the English Language Department of Exceptions.
1. Yes
2. All the definitions I found left it at the vague word "prominent" so there's your answer. I'm guessing that it has to be a societal decision as to the prominence of a murdered person and the following declaration of assassination.
3. Buy me an Oxford English Dictionary and I'll let you know.
4. Only if you want to walk around with a big slit down the back of your blazer for eternity.
5. Probably because it's a lot easier and inexpensive to manufacture square boxes rather than round ones.
6. None
7. Really? I thought that luggage carts were around long before the late 60's.
8. They are probably referring more to the time in a baby's life when it sleeps for longer than two hour stints.
9. Yes
10. Ah, but you are also ON screen when in a movie.
11. Because you can look at things in the sky from the ground, but being up high gives you a better vantage point to see things below you.
12. They are probably taking care of administrative type things or drinking coffee or generally just giving you some privacy. Taking clothes off in front of a stranger is a bit awkward, I'd say a bit more awkward than just being naked in front of a stranger.
13. Refer to #3
14. So I'm indecent because I like crispy toast?
15. Actually, just the writer of the song doesn't care that Jimmy cracked corn. Perhaps some of the listeners do.
16. See Sara's answer
17. Because the show would have been a lot shorter and less successful.
18. I don't always point to my wrist when I ask for the time and sometimes I do point to my crotch when I have to go to the bathroom.
19. When they thaw out Walt, write him a letter and find out.
20. It wasn't about just eating the road runner, it was about succeeding at something he had continually failed to do.
21. I googled this one. "Most "baby oils" are primarily made of mineral oil. To make mineral oil, gasoline and kerosene are removed from crude petroleum by heating, in a method call functional distillation."
22. I wouldn't attribute electricity totally to electrons. Moron: From Greek moron, neuter of moros, stupid, foolish. Moral: Middle English, from Old French, from Latin moralis, from mos, mor-, custom. So you've got two different origins here, apples and oranges.
23. Yes
24. Actually I didn't. I realized the sameness of the songs when I was oh, in kindergarten I think.
25. Get a dictionary and see #22
26. I have noticed that, but I would say it varies according the animal. One of my cats loves when I blow on his face and the other despises me for it. This question also doesn't seem to draw any conclusions other than to ask me if I've observed something.
Well, that's my smartass two cents for the day. Hope you all enjoyed it while it lasted. I sure did. Nanoo nanoo.
Wow Adam... you just raised yourself to a whole new level! Bravo!
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