So I have had one of the most productive days in a very long time. Had a great day at school, and decided instead of going home to veg on a Friday afternoon, I would stay and prepare for Monday. This prevents me from having to go back to school on Sunday as I typically do. I wrote a test, finished lesson plans, made copies, cleaned my desk, and organized my room in general... Leaving the campus around 7pm. Once I got home (where I have been living in squalor), I decided to straighten up. I cleaned for nearly 3 hours straight and now have a tidy apartment. I am feeling much peace in knowing everything is ready for Monday, my apartment is in order, and I have an open weekend ahead of me... Good right? Well, the only reason I was able to get all of this done was because I drank a Rock Star energy drink right after school. I knew that this boost would get me motivated and energetic enough to complete the tasks that I needed to. I feel like a cheater. As if the only way I can be productive for an extended period of time requires the aid of energy my body is not producing on its own. I know the drink isn't great for my body, and for that reason don't drink it that often... Not like volleyball season. However, I also am becoming aware of how much it aids me in fulfilling my responsibilities, and think of all the tasks I can now complete.
At what point are we abusing legal substances that alter our natural behavior?
Friday, January 27, 2006
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
The World's Dumbest People
2005 DARWIN Awards
Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here then, are the glorious winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victimduring a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked...
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cuttingmachine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to hisinsurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems a guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided thathe'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the ladyI stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are bestowed, honoring the least evolved among us.
Here then, are the glorious winners:
1. When his 38-caliber revolver failed to fire at his intended victimduring a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would-be robber James Elliot did something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and tried the trigger again. This time it worked...
And now, the honorable mentions:
2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat cuttingmachine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to hisinsurance company. The company expecting negligence sent out one of its men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. The chef's claim was approved.
3. A man who shoveled snow for an hour to clear a space for his car during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his vehicle to find a woman had taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus driver found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre fantasies. The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from serious head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received the injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close he could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer... $15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a crime committed?)
7. Seems a guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He decided thathe'd just throw a cinder block through a liquor store window, grab some booze, and run. So he lifted the cinder block and heaved it over his head at the window. The cinder block bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
8. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher. Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put him in the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the car and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied, "Yes, officer, that's her. That's the ladyI stole the purse from."
9. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked into a Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked away. A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
10. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home parked on a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived at the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage tank by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying that it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
Friday, January 20, 2006
Put a Smile on Your Face
Ok... Ed, I am starting a new tradition! Being that I rarely feel I have anything significant to write, I am just going to keep posting things that I find that I like. Granted some of these are pretty dumb, but I am certain at least one will put a smile on your face!
You can't read this and stay in a bad mood!
1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path.
4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!
6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's.
7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick.
8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko.
11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.
12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.
13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.
14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.
15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.
16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.
17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.
18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? <
Sanka.
19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes Whack, Dang!A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
22. How Is a Texas Tornado And a Alabama Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer!
Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile!
You can't read this and stay in a bad mood!
1. How Do You Catch a Unique Rabbit?
Unique Up On It.
2. How Do You Catch a Tame Rabbit?
Tame Way, Unique Up On It.
3. How Do Crazy People Go Through The Forest?
They Take The Psycho Path.
4. How Do You Get Holy Water?
You Boil The Hell Out Of It.
5. What Do Fish Say When They Hit a Concrete Wall?
Dam!
6. What Do Eskimos Get From Sitting On The Ice too Long?
Polaroid's.
7. What Do You Call a Boomerang That Doesn't work?
A Stick.
8. What Do You Call Cheese That Isn't Yours?
Nacho Cheese.
9. What Do You Call Santa's Helpers?
Subordinate Clauses.
10. What Do You Call Four Bullfighters In Quicksand?
Quattro Sinko.
11. What Do You Get From a Pampered Cow?
Spoiled Milk.
12. What Do You Get When You Cross a Snowman With a Vampire?
Frostbite.
13. What Lies At The Bottom Of The Ocean And Twitches?
A Nervous Wreck.
14. What's The Difference Between Roast Beef And Pea Soup?
Anyone Can Roast Beef.
15. Where Do You Find a Dog With No Legs?
Right Where You Left Him.
16. Why Do Gorillas Have Big Nostrils?
Because They Have Big Fingers.
17. Why Don't Blind People Like To Sky Dive?
Because It Scares The Dog.
18. What Kind Of Coffee Was Served On The Titanic? <
Sanka.
19. What Is The Difference Between a Harley And a Hoover?
The Location Of The Dirt Bag.
20. Why Did Pilgrims' Pants Always Fall Down?
Because They Wore Their Belt Buckle On Their Hat.
21. What's The Difference Between a Bad Golfer And a Bad Skydiver?
A Bad Golfer Goes Whack, Dang!A Bad Skydiver Goes Dang! Whack.
22. How Is a Texas Tornado And a Alabama Divorce The Same?
Somebody's Gonna Lose A Trailer!
Now, admit it. At least one of these made you smile!
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Points to Ponder
So I took this off a friend's MySpace bulletin. I thought the few of you that read my posts might get a kick out of these. Plus it means I don't have to think of anything to write.
A few things to think about that you probably have never thought about:
1. Can you cry under water?
2. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
3. Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? (Yeah, I'd like to know what you guys are doing with my other penny!) Where's that extra penny going to?
4. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
5. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
6. What disease did cured ham actually have?
7. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
8. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
9. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
10. Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
11. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
12. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
13. Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
14. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
15. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
16. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
17. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
18. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
19. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
20. If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
21. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
22. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
23. Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
24. Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
25. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?
26. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
A few things to think about that you probably have never thought about:
1. Can you cry under water?
2. How important does a person have to be before they are considered assassinated instead of just murdered?
3. Why do you have to "put your two cents in"...but it's only a "penny for your thoughts"? (Yeah, I'd like to know what you guys are doing with my other penny!) Where's that extra penny going to?
4. Once you're in heaven, do you get stuck wearing the clothes you were buried in for eternity?
5. Why does a round pizza come in a square box?
6. What disease did cured ham actually have?
7. How is it that we put man on the moon before we figured out it would be a good idea to put wheels on luggage?
8. Why is it that people say they "slept like a baby" when babies wake up like every two hours?
9. If a deaf person has to go to court, is it still called a hearing?
10. Why are you IN a movie, but you're ON TV?
11. Why do people pay to go up tall buildings and then put money in binoculars to look at things on the ground?
12. Why do doctors leave the room while you change? They're going to see you naked anyway.
13. Why is "bra" singular and "panties" plural?
14. Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
15. If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a stupid song about him?
16. Can a hearse carrying a corpse drive in the carpool lane?
17. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
18. Why do people point to their wrist when asking for the time, but don't point to their crotch when they ask where the bathroom is?
19. Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
20. If Wyle E. Coyote had enough money to buy all that ACME crap, why didn't he just buy dinner?
21. If corn oil is made from corn, and vegetable oil is made from vegetables, what is baby oil made from?
22. If electricity comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
23. Do the Alphabet song and Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star have the same tune?
24. Why did you just try singing the two songs above?
25. Why do they call it an asteroid when it's outside the hemisphere, but call it a hemorrhoid when it's in your ass?
26. Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog's face, he gets mad at you, but when you take him for a car ride; he sticks his head out the window?
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
Next Step
Alright all you blog freaks... here is a new entry! Tradition broken.
So...
I have been pondering my next step in this crazy journey of life. I will have my clear credential this June, but am biting at the bit to try something new. The good thing is, teaching will always be there. In the past few months I have been left feeling like I am not taking full advantage of the life in front of me, and am tired of just being complacent while I have the freedom to do anything. So, with a little suggestion from a friend and a lot of thinking and praying, I have decided to apply to the Peace Corp. I have been doing some research to get a better idea of what exactly I am getting myself into, but if any of you have any insight or feedback it would be much appreciated.
So...
I have been pondering my next step in this crazy journey of life. I will have my clear credential this June, but am biting at the bit to try something new. The good thing is, teaching will always be there. In the past few months I have been left feeling like I am not taking full advantage of the life in front of me, and am tired of just being complacent while I have the freedom to do anything. So, with a little suggestion from a friend and a lot of thinking and praying, I have decided to apply to the Peace Corp. I have been doing some research to get a better idea of what exactly I am getting myself into, but if any of you have any insight or feedback it would be much appreciated.
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